Big Kid

Journal Excerpt:

"The older I get, the less I know about what it means to be an adult.  Age has nothing to do with youth.  Your heart does."

The Manual 2012:

-This is not a self portrait project but it is a journal entry that has inspired a future series-

When it comes to partnership, knowing your needs and being able to communicate them is crucial.  If asked, "How can I keep you happy and by my side?"  These are 2012's answers:

1) Don't leave room for any wondering.  Do not put my artistic imagination to work.  BAD idea lol.  I don't like to ask those typical girlfriend questions.  But I will notice what is and isn't shared.  I can't stand mysteries and my vivid imagination will attempt to solve the riddles you've left me to ponder.  I will work on not jumping to conclusions but try not to create a gap for me to jump. Be open and sharing.  I will tell you everything.  THIS IS WHERE TRUST BEINGS.

2)  MOST IMPORTANT and EASIEST TO DO!  Always respond to displays of affection.  And late is better than never.  Just please don't leave me hanging.  Don't make me look/feel like a groupie.  I will question if things are mutual if minor displays can't be matched or are ignored.  Enough cute texts get ignored and your number gets deleted.  If I write you a letter and you never read or lose it, you'll make me cry.  Please tell me if you just want to be left alone for personal reasons or CLEARLY explain the lack of response in specific situations or contexts if need be.  But don't fucking ignore me.  Nothing hurts more than showing someone emotion and it isn't even worth an acknowledgment.  When I'm ignored enough times, you get removed.  New 2012 rule.

3) Reaffirming three word sentences are appreciated and necessary.  Nothing makes me feel more warm and fuzzy or brightens my day.  And if you take the time to tell me how much you love me and why in a passionate display of words or art, you'll fill your quota for a whole month!

 4) 'Hot and cold,' 'here then there' feels like a roller coaster about to crash or a yo-yo trick I can't do.  If you can't consistently give your 100% because you really don't know what you want, where you need to be, or have a situation that makes a relationship a low priority, go figure it out on you own time.  I'll support you as friend and if the love is real, maybe someday we'll reconnect.  But if you want to be here now, I need you to consistently and enthusiastically BE HERE.  Pushing and pulling makes me just as sick as some roller coasters do >:(

5) I've recently learned that I need space to work on at least one art project every week for my sanity.  VERY IMPORTANT! I went months without getting into my art and lost my mind.  My art is also my biggest source of self esteem.  Too keep my mind healthy, I have to do art or I will hit a low point and lose my damn mind.

6) Bike rides, adventures, and collaborations will give me lasting memories and a true sense of partnership.  An effort to stay active together will make me feel like a part of a team.  Come up with ideas for us to play and put the plans into action.  Although I make fun ToDo lists, don't always leave it up to me.  Show me your interest in things for us to do.  Just happening to see each other because we both came home will get old.  It will just feel convenient and a routine, not special no matter how much I love seeing your face.  AND PLEASE THINK OF SOMETHING -ANYTHING- FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND VALENTINES DAY!

 

7) If you can get me to laugh during tough times, even if the tough times are between us, you will become part of my supportive foundation and push my gray clouds away.  For whatever strange reason, as soon as I start laughing, I'm ok again, pause for a moment, and then a calm conversation to solves issues may commence.  My breaks are just as impressive as my 0-60 acceleration.

8) Movie night at the theater or in bed is my favorite simple date night!!!  I'm a cuddler and I don't always need to talk.  Hold me and just let the movie play.

 9) An interest in helping me with my goals and life will be more valuable and appreciated than any tangible gift.  You want to give me something?  Offer me help, mental/emotional support, and advice.  Show an interest and be encouraging.  This will show me that I have a teammate who wants to be involved in my future- which could be yours too.

10) Give me lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of hugs and kisses.  And if we are apart, I hope to know that you miss them and miss me.  Letting me feel as if I'm "outta sight, outta mind" when apart will start the gushing water works.  I will always feel your kiss on my lips but it will then start to burn.


New 2012 attitude, if 1-10 is way too hard:

 

But... if you can get with 1-10 (which really isn't very demanding or high maintenance,) you'll keep me happy and you'll keep my love for life.  And of course I'll do everything on your list and treat you like a king.  I'm the best girlfriend ever (but cursed with bad timing in EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP) and my hindering flaw is fear of loss only magnified after loss everytime.  When I get unhappy, have too many questions, have been ignored too many times, or start to feel insecure, I freak out because I'll envision the end coming.  But 1-10 will keep the sun in the sky, me a happy girl, and inspire a growing lingerie collection.